i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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