She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
