these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
