you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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