ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize