You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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