Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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