My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
