im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
