This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize