All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize