Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
