He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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