R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
