The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
