Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
