So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
