I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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