It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Randomize
