i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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