You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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