We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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