I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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