My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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