that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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