Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
