im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You are the jesus of drinking
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
