I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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