I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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