1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize