i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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