do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
