We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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