I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
they need to just BURY HIM!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
