I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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