i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
