Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
