I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I puked a lego.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
