You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
