It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize