I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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