woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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