I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
