she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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