I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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