I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
