Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
