ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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