Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
