never play flip cup with pint glasses
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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