I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
