Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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