hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Are we still banned from the library?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
