I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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