oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
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