We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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