so that wasnt chicken after all
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
