I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
