Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
