are you still at the devil's house?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
