I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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