Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
