It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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