3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
