Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I have post one night stand depression
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
