Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
