You made me cry and you don't even care
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
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