will power is for people who don't want to get laid
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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