she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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