Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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