Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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