You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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