So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
